Fridays Tidbits

Todays post will basically be a collection of things I have found on the internets today, as most of my time today is spent enjoying my last moments of no Time-Clock and figuring out a fool-prooof way around the system.

Astronomers announce discovering a giant-ass cloud of space alcohol. All of a sudden, manned spaceflight starts looking feasible again

State of Georgia Tortilla http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=9505062212

Must Go to UNLV


hope you ladies are not offended by this one, if you cannot read the text just click the photo.

And Finally a quote to let you ponder over the weekend- "Have you ever taken a dump so big that your pants fit better?"-Ron White

Hangovers and more Time Clock

So today I am pretty hungover. I went out last night and tied one on so to speak. My intentions were to leave the bar at about nine, but some friends were all like come just have one more and I was like okay. Well one more led to two more, two more led to three more and so on. Needless to say I felt like ass this morning. As it is Thursday it is my tradition to go get some breakfast at Mr. Rogers which for those of you who do not know, is possibly the greatest fast food breakfast on the planet. But try as I might, with the biscuit and hashbrowns and a couple of pounds of advil me headache still did not go away. Fast forward to lunch from which I have just returned. Went to Quiznos and got a prime rib sub and a cup of broccoli and cheese soup. Finally my headache has subsided, but I still feel like shit. I anticipate and long visit with the porcelain god this afternoon considering all the weird and greasy food that I have consumed along with the ever present beer shits. But like I always say "hangovers, nothing a few cocktails can't fix."

Now on to the continuing saga of the time clocks. I was presented with my card that I will have to swipe in the clock to clock in and out, yet nobody here at work still has no idea how to operate the damn thing. Corporate, just sent us these time clocks on Wednesday and expects us to start using them on Monday without any instruction whatsoever. Well they can kiss my lily white ass.

As you can see I am suffering a lot today, so any of you loyal readers who may have a couple of hydrocodones, or klonopin, xanax, whatever, hook a brotha up would ya.

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Matt willis!

1. Never store matt willis at room temperature.
2. 68 percent of all UFO sightings are by matt willis.
3. If you toss matt willis 10000 times, he will not land heads 5000 times, but more like 4950, because his head weighs more and thus ends up on the bottom!
4. Matt willis has a memory span of three seconds.
5. Reindeer like to eat matt willis.
6. Matt willis can jump up to sixteen times his own height!
7. Matt willis is picked, sorted and packed entirely in the field.
8. Finding matt willis on Christmas morning is believed to bring good luck!
9. Matt willis can run sixty-five kilometres an hour - that's really fast.
10. Matt willis can squeeze his entire body through a hole the size of his beak.

I am interested in - do tell me aboutherhimitthem

16 Tons whaddya get.......

So today I get to the office and what do I see? It is our to engineers installing a freaking time-clock. You have got to be fucking kidding me. This is so much bullshit, what do I work on a freaking assembly line, hell no. Apparently the time-clock will go into effect on Monday and only hourly employees will be required to punch it. This is a royal piece of shit that is entirely unfair. Basically they are making hourly employees be honest about the time that they work, but salaried employees can do what they want. This is just another case of "the man" trying to keep a brotha down. Our boss even instructed hourly employees to not work overtime. WTF? So if I clock in at 7:45 in the morning, take an hour lunch at 12, I will have to leave work at 4:45 everyday to get exactly 8 hours. If I leave at 5 everyday after a week it adds up to 1 hour and 15 minutes of over time. So I can't do that. And what if I take 1 hour and 20 minutes for lunch, do I have to stay until 5:20 to get my 8 hours in? Our old system was just fine, nobody really abused it that much and 20 minutes here and there never hurt a soul. My belief is that corporate instituted the time-clocks to save money. They don't realize that it will probably cost them money in the long term, because they will end up having to pay overtime whether they like it or not, because they are not aware of the laws of the land on non-compensable and compensable time. For a good overview click here. You know what this whole situation is crap. I will probably end up forgetting have the time anyway, and since the times clocked go straight to our corporate office anyway, who is to say that they will not alter the times we actually worked in order to pay us less. In the old system payroll was done in house by an honest administrator who was fair and did his job thoroughly. Now is going to be done by some corporate drone who does not care two bits about us folks here in Mississippi. The whole system is a load of steaming bullshit. Before I did not mind staying a little late and finishing up something that needed to be done, and I would not even put that on my timesheet. But now with this crap, I am not working past my allotted 8 hours for nothing. Most hourly employees here do not abuse the current system anyway. If anybody abuses work hours it is salaried employees who do not put in the necessary time to do their jobs in a satisfactory manner, yet they do not face any disciplinary consequences. I am always available if a co-worker needs something, but some folks around here only show up on a blue moon or for a couple of hours each day and yet they make more money that I do. That is unacceptable and it needs to stop, but will it stop, no, because one of the heaviest abusers just happens to be the bosses wife. But that is the nepotistic world that we live in. God I need a beer. Until tomorrow.

The Pics of Yesterday

Also a big congratulations goes out to my friend Scotty on the Grand Opening of his new endeavor "The Paint Store @ North Hills." Best of luck pal.

Mondays.....I hate them

After five straight days of going out and drinking, my mind is pretty worn out so instead of my usual witty repartee here are some pictures to enlighten your day. Well scratch that blogger seems to be experiencing problems with their image host. So the past five days have been pretty rough. On Wednesday night i went out and had about 6 beers, that is not many by my standards, but i digress, on Thursday night i drank about seven more beers, still not a lot, on Friday night i drank a fifth of Johnny Walker Black, a massive margarita, and several beers. Needless to say i was feeling like shit by Saturday morning. About 6pm Saturday Night I decided to go out again and did not get in until 1 am after imbibing many fermented beverages. On Sunday my friends and i went out the golf course to hit the white ball. Well my round of golf consisted of about 12-14 beers, then we went to Outback and ate I and I probably drank five or six more brews. So I am kind of worn out today, but i promise tomorrow should be better, because i am going to bed early as fuck tonite.
And I will try to post some pics tomorrow.

Which Office Moron Are You?

Congratulations, fool! You're the incompetent egotist.
Every office has one. You stride in on your first day with no useful skills, an inane smile on your face, and plans for a variety of team-building exercises, meetings, extra-curricular activities and staff days out, all designed to win you favour with the boss.
The problem is, everyone else hates you. You're loud, you're arrogant, you're dumber than management, and you insist on wearing really loud shirts to make yourself seem interesting. Even the IT manager is more socially aware - and the depressing thing is, you'll probably run the company in ten years.
If you don't get a pickaxe through your head first.

Here is the link for all you other morons.

Oh My God!

Last night while watching basketball a couple of friends and myself got on a discussion (dont ask me how) about women who eat their placenta after childbirth. WTF! This is possibly the nastiest freaking thing I have ever heard of. I thought that it must be a urban legend. But no, all powerful Google is there to prove me wrong. If you would like to know more click here. There is even a recipe page. I mean damn, damn, damn. What the hell is this, ugh, it makes me sick just thinking about it. "How about some nice roast placenta for dinner tonite." "Oooh really, that is my favorite, yeah put in on a saltine with tobasco." "That's good eatin, right there."

Ahh!! Here is a site with even more idea, let's plant the son of a bitch. Here are some things that different cultures do with the placenta.

I can't take it anymore, I will try to post something more positive this afternoon, until then, happy placenta eating everyone.

Drugs, The Hustler, and Getting Older, and the Crossection of a Corndog

Here is a cool website for those of you like to look at drugs and reminisce on the good old days. I did a GIS for crack and this site came up, pretty handy huh. I do not know why i was doing an image search for crack. I guess I am just bored out of my mind. Although it does kind of look like rock candy.

I did a image search for "corn" and this came up HA :)



















On another note, I really like Paul Newman, he is one cool cat. "Cool Hand Luke" is one of my favorite movies, and right now "The Hustler" is on AMC, Paul Newman and Jackie Gleason playing pool, does it get any cooler.

Just for kicks here is the cross section of a corndog-which is one of my five food groups-

Ok, so yesterday I was listening "Good Morning America" and heard of a way to get high that has so far eluded me, apparently all the teens are doing it. It is called "dusting" where they get high off compressed air. Go Figure. To find out more read this article . I guess I am getting older that I had to hear about this over the news, damn.

Well I know that this post is pretty boring, but i promise that tomorrow will be better. Peace Out.

Things That Go "Chirp" in the Night

Ok, so yesterday I wrote about "Spring, Rebirth, Renewal, All that Crap." I am here today to talk about the "crap" part of the equation.

As we all know springtime is when all the birds get to chirping their fucking balls off. Well you know what they need to learn when to shut up, those little sons of bitches. For the past two nights as I lay down to sleep I have perceived a "chirping" or a "tweeting" sound coming from outside my window. As the night progresses the sound just keeps getting more and more pervasive until it becomes the only damn thing I can think about. The whole in my mind I am shouting "SHUT UP", PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO TO SLEEP YOU FUCKING VERMIN!!!." But does the bird stop, hell no, it just keeps tormenting me on and on. It finally gets to the point where I am predicting when the bird is going to chirp next. It is always the same damn rhythym. AHHHHHH......at least change the freaking tune for crying out loud you little worm eating, white shitting, migratory motherfucker. After some length of torture however, I am able to fall asleep. I guess it is like real torture, where after a while you build up a tolerance for it. But wait, Holy Nightingale Batman, I awake at about 5:30 to piss and what do I wake up to? A FUCKING BIRD CHIRPING!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! Forget "the early bird gets the worm" I have at least four birdfeeders in my yard, get some damn sleep you feathered demon. It is to the point where I just want to walk outside with my 12 gauge find the stool pigeon and blow it to kingdom come. I need my damn sleep and I be a monkey's uncle if I let a damn bird come between me and Mr. Sandman. Just think and it is only the 3rd day of Spring. SHIT!!!!! What business does a bird having chirping at night anyway....none they just do it to annoy me. It is somekind of world avian conspiracy that keeps me from having a good night's sleep during the spring and summer.

So now I will take my leave with the immortal words of John Keats' "Ode to a Nightingale" who kept his ass awake at night and he ended up needing to get hammered just to fall asleep "O, Nocturnal Songbirds, Scourge of God."

My heart aches, and a drowsy numbness pains

My sense, as though of hemlock I had drunk, Or emptied some dull opiate to the drains

One minute past, and Lethe-wards had sunk: 'Tis not through envy of thy happy lot,

But being too happy in thine happiness, - That thou, light-winged Dryad of the trees,

In some melodious plot

Of beechen green and shadows numberless,

Singest of summer in full-throated ease.
O, for a draught of vintage! that hath been

Cool'd a long age in the deep-delved earth, Tasting of Flora and the country green,

Dance, and Provençal song, and sunburnt mirth! O for a beaker full of the warm South,

Full of the true, the blushful Hippocrene,

With beaded bubbles winking at the brim,

And purple-stained mouth;

That I might drink, and leave the world unseen,

And with thee fade away into the forest dim:
Fade far away, dissolve, and quite forget

What thou among the leaves hast never known, The weariness, the fever, and the fret

Here, where men sit and hear each other groan; Where palsy shakes a few, sad, last gray hairs,

Where youth grows pale, and spectre-thin, and dies;

Where but to think is to be full of sorrow

And leaden-eyed despairs,

Where Beauty cannot keep her lustrous eyes,

Or new Love pine at them beyond to-morrow.
Away! away! for I will fly to thee,

Not charioted by Bacchus and his pards, But on the viewless wings of Poesy,

Though the dull brain perplexes and retards: Already with thee! tender is the night,

And haply the Queen-Moon is on her throne,

Cluster'd around by all her starry Fays;

But here there is no light,

Save what from heaven is with the breezes blown

Through verdurous glooms and winding mossy ways.
I cannot see what flowers are at my feet,

Nor what soft incense hangs upon the boughs, But, in embalmed darkness, guess each sweet

Wherewith the seasonable month endows The grass, the thicket, and the fruit-tree wild;

White hawthorn, and the pastoral eglantine;

Fast fading violets cover'd up in leaves;

And mid-May's eldest child,

The coming musk-rose, full of dewy wine,

The murmurous haunt of flies on summer eves.
Darkling I listen; and, for many a time

I have been half in love with easeful Death, Call'd him soft names in many a mused rhyme,

To take into the air my quiet breath; Now more than ever seems it rich to die,

To cease upon the midnight with no pain,

While thou art pouring forth thy soul abroad

In such an ecstasy!

Still wouldst thou sing, and I have ears in vain -

To thy high requiem become a sod.

Thou wast not born for death, immortal Bird!

No hungry generations tread thee down; The voice I hear this passing night was heard

In ancient days by emperor and clown: Perhaps the self-same song that found a path

Through the sad heart of Ruth, when, sick for home,

She stood in tears amid the alien corn;

The same that oft-times hath

Charm'd magic casements, opening on the foam

Of perilous seas, in faery lands forlorn.
Forlorn! the very word is like a bell

To toll me back from thee to my sole self! Adieu! the fancy cannot cheat so well

As she is fam'd to do, deceiving elf. Adieu! adieu! thy plaintive anthem fades

Past the near meadows, over the still stream,

Up the hill-side; and now 'tis buried deep

In the next valley-glades:

Was it a vision, or a waking dream?

Fled is that music: - Do I wake or sleep?

Spring....Rebirth, Renewal, All that Crap

Ahh, Spring, the most allergenic of all the seasons.....Yesterday was the first day of the new season. Winter is officially over and hurricane season is just around the corner. To most folks the beginning of Spring is marked by the vernal equinox, equal parts light and dark. But even though yesterday was the equinox, you would not know it if you lived in these parts as it was pretty much dark all day due to the rain. At least this time people didn't start preparing for the apocaplyse as they did last week when severe weather came through this area (though our intrepid weather men tried their damnedest to usher in the Four Horsemen). So Spring is finally here, what does that mean to me. Well basically it means an excuse to drink outside more often. More fish, more crawfish, more days of staring outside my office window.

Allow me to give all you loyal fans an update on my NCAA brackets. I can sum it up in two words I SUCK!!!!! I believe that this is probably the worst I have ever done. So now I am just rooting for the underdog. Here's a tangent, why in the hell do we say "rooting" for something or someone.....that just sounds ludicrous....give me a second......root3 ( P ) Pronunciation Key (rt, rt)intr.v. root·ed, root·ing, roots
To give audible encouragement or applause to a contestant or team; cheer. See Synonyms at applaud.
To lend support to someone or something.
[Possibly alteration of rout3.]
rooter n.

so I still need to find the origin....the alteration of "rout" may hold the key.....
rout3 ( P ) Pronunciation Key (rout, rt)intr.v. Chiefly British rout·ed, rout·ing, routs
To bellow. Used of cattle.
[Middle English routen, to roar, from Old Norse rauta.]

that make a little bit more sense from the Old Norse "rauta" meaning to roar-so in essence when you "root" for something you "roar" for it.

Now I can rest easy, until tomorrow my comrades

Monday's Rant

Ok, I am pretty wore out today. It was a long weekend of drunken debauchery. On Friday night the whole St Patrick's Day thing went down, and I proceeded to get slammered. On Saturday my friends and I decided to go to Jackson to see the parade. It was my first time going, and I must say that the thing is freakin huge. The parade was also awesome and sweet, some would even say kickass. After the parade we went to Hal & Mal's and Martins for a while. Then we decided to go eat at Kieffer's I love that place, it may be my favorite place to eat in Jackson. We arrived back in Meridian late Saturday night. I slept all day Sunday so that rocked.

Enough about what I did, now I am fixin to rant. Have any you ever had a friend that just can;t take it? They can dish it out okay, but when it is aimed at them they just get all pissy. Well I have friend like that and it is starting to wear extremely thin on me. Joking around and trading insults is what my friends and I do. Oh, it's all well and good when it is directed at somebody other than this person, but when you start on him he's all like "Why you wanna fuck with me?" and just proceeds to get pissy. It is really getting annoying, almost to the point that i do not wand to hang out with him anymore. So here is the question. How do you break-up with a friend (not a boyfriend or girlfriend) and get them to stop hanging out without having said friend go postal and kill every last one of us(because this guy is the type that might actually try to do it) you know the quiet weird type. Hell he may be a serial killer already. Any advice from the blogosphere would be appreciated.

Oh Yeah, check out this site: http://www.bumwine.com/

I did a GIS for his last name and this picture came up: It represents the suffering and pain that above friend heaps upon the whole world, just because his lame-ass exists.

Happy St Patrick's Day

Et tu Brute

I did not post yesterday for a reason, it was March 15, the Ides of March. This date marks the the day in 44 BCE that Julius Caesar was assassinated by a group of Roman Patricians and Senators. It was watershed moment for the Roman Republic, after civil war between the forces of Marc Antony, Cassius, and Brutus against the forces of Caesar's nephew Octavian. Octavian eventually defeated his opponents and became the first Roman Emperor, taking the name Caesar Augustus. This marked the end of the Roman Republic and the beginning of the Roman Imperial Period. It is a watershed moment in the history and development of Western civilization.

The Roman Imperial period allowed for more stability in its early years and wanton corruption and warfare in its later years. In between were 200 years of relative peace and prosperity in the empire known as the Pax Romana or "Roman Peace." This allowed for the development and furtherment of civilization throughout Western Europe, from the tip of Spain to Scotland and to the Danube River. So here is your history lesson for today, I hope that you enjoyed it and learned a little bit as tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day and I plan on getting freaking bombed out of my gourde!! Sliante!!

My Men and Women's Brackets

March Madness

So the NCAA tournament is finally here. It is one of my favorite times of the year. This I have a bonus: Both of my bosses will be out on Thusday and Friday, so I can sit in my office and watch the games all day long, with no interruptions. It is going to kick ass. NC State as a #10 seed is my sentimental favorite, my dad graduated from there, but they will probably not get past Texas in the second round, they will need to get lucky to beat California in the first, but I am confident that they can pull if off. I just cannot wait til the games get started. It seems that every year some team comes out of nowhere to pull off a fantastic upset. My pick for that this year will either be San Diego State over Indiana or Kent State over Pittsburgh. For now we can only wait. Although the play in game between Hampton and Monmouth can be seen tonight on ESPN. I will try to post a jpeg of one of my brackets.

Don't Cut Me Off

Ok so this weekend was kind of weird. On Friday night our usual group of friends, plus a lot of other people went to our favorite bar to get wasted. This is nothing out of the ordinary, however, as the night progressed things got strange. Now let me preface what I am fixing to say by stating, that we go to this bar all the time and by far are its best customers. All the bartenders and managers know us and we generally have the run of the place while we are there. So anyway, we are all sitting around just talking and generally getting shitfaced. I am have my weekend drink (Bombay Sapphire and Tonic) and we are all experiencing a pretty good time. Then all of a sudden the manager comes up to me and says that I need to eat something, that I have had too much to drink. Bullshit!!!!!! The bar said that I had drunk 16 gin and tonics already and it was only like 930 10 o'clock. I did not even get to the bar until about 7 so that was impossible. I had only had 11 or twelve. But they insisted that i eat something so i did. But that is not the point. I have been much drunker in that place and I was even the drunkest person there, yet I was the one who had to eat something. That's Crap. Eventually i probably did drink that many gin and tonics and proceeded to have an extremely late night. Did not get home until about 3AM. I felt like ass the next day, but i had to go out and do it again Saturday night as we were going to a wedding, that had a kickass reception.

Sunday was pretty cool, besides laying around and watching some good basketball games, I actually went outside and flew a kite. It was the first time i had done that in a while. I was able to keep it high and up for about an hour and a half until a massive gust of wind came along and separted the kite from the string, so now the kite is on the roof of the church next door to my house. Also last night "12 Angry Men" came on AMC, it you have not watched this movie, you need to it is one of the all-time greats.

Peace Out

Happy Birthday Chuck Norris

When Chuck Norris was born, HE was the one doin' the ass smackin'.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
Chuck Norris speaks a language comprised of karate moves and roundhouse kicks. So while you might think Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, he might be telling you he likes your hat.
Chuck Norris counts to 66 using only 40 numbers!
This is an ancient fable that might teach you all a lesson. It is said that a blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse-kicked a tie-dyed shirt. The result was Jimi Hendrix.
Chuck Norris wasn't born, he just willed himself into existence.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
Helen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father did.
So I was riding down the street with Chuck Norris when we come across roadkill. Norris stops the car, gets out, picks up the raccoon, puts its muzzle in his mouth, and breathes this thing back to life. So the raccoons all happy to be alive, when Chuck snaps its neck and just starts laughing his ass off, before we get back in the truck. He looks over at me and just says "Someobody's had a case of the Mondays!"
Chuck Norris jacks off with "ICY-HOT." The explanation of thunder is a cover-up. Only few know that this is the sound made when Chuck Norris is practicing snap kicks. Lightning is a result of his speed causing him to travel back into time.There is currently a bill passing through congress to force Chuck Norris to get a tatoo that says "SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Chuck Norris has been known to cause severe roundhouse kick related injuries." The irony is, by the time you've read it, the secondhand roundhouse kick is already fatal.Chuck Norris once had sex with the Virgin Mary, thus Jesus was born.Chuck Norris's chest hair is used as an aphrodisiac in some small Asian countries
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lay the fark down...
Chuck Norris's tears cure all forms of cancer. It's too bad he's never cried.
Chuck Norris once shot a commercial airliner down, by pointing his finger at it, and saying, "Bang".
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked a midget and it burst into 25 gold coins.
on the 7th day God created Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris roudhoused God and there was no 8th day.chuck norris doesnt breathe oxygen, oxygen hides in his lungs for protection.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. But he is so badass, he has never cried. Ever. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. Chuck Norris doesn't wash his clothes, he disembowels them. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a farking Indian. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fark down. Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed misserably. If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade. Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself. Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn. In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Experiencing problems

my blog seems to be experiencing diffulculties

It's Friday

I am so glad it is Friday, Hell Yeah. I don't have any extremely big plans this weekend. I have to go to a wedding on Saturday so that should be fun. I love weddings, mainly because of the receptions. There is no party like a wedding party cause a wedding party don't stop. But other than that I will probably just get wasted as usual. St. Patrick's day is also only a week away. I cannot wait to get my hands on a pint of Guinness. Although I am not Irish, my best friend is so we are probably going to go over to Jackson and go to the Parade next Saturday. So here is an early SLIANTE!!! to everybody.

$100,000 Sweet

During the early 1930s, the United States and the rest of the industrialized world experienced an economic depression. In 1934, the United States continued its movement toward removing its currency from the gold standard. It even became illegal to possess gold coins or gold-based currency until Congress relented somewhat for collectors. The Gold Certificate Series of 1934 poses a slight puzzle since the United States was off the gold standard by 1934. The $100,000 note shown here was not intended for general circulation but was used as an accounting device between branches of the Federal Reserve. This $100,000 note was the highest denomination ever issued by the United States.

This cool and it is real (no photoshop) Since 1945 the government has not printed any bills larger than $100 although they did not stop issuing bills over $100 until 1969.

New Animal Discovered

PARIS, France (AP) -- Divers have discovered a new crustacean in the South Pacific that resembles a lobster and is covered with what looks like silky, blond fur, French researchers said Tuesday.
Scientists said the animal, which they named Kiwa hirsuta, was so distinct from other species that they created a new family and genus for it.
A team of American-led divers found the animal in waters 2,300 meters (7,540 feet) deep at a site 1,500 kilometers (900 miles) south of Easter Island last year, according to Michel Segonzac of the French Institute for Sea Exploration.
The new crustacean is described in the journal of the National Museum of Natural History in Paris.
The animal is white and 15 centimeters (5.9 inches) long -- about the size of a salad plate.
In what Segonzac described as a "surprising characteristic," the animal's pincers are covered with sinuous, hair-like strands.
It's also blind. The researchers found it had only "the vestige of a membrane" in place of eyes, Segonzac said.
The researchers said that while legions of new ocean species are discovered each year, it is quite rare to find one that merits a new family.
The family was named Kiwaida, from Kiwa, the goddess of crustaceans in Polynesian mythology.
The diving expedition was organized by Robert Vrijenhoek of the Monterey Bay Aquarium Research Institute in California.
Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

Isn't it amazing that we still are able to find new and unique animals on this planet that we inhabit. Yet for all the amazing discoveries and scientific evidence we see and hear about every day we still pollute the earth and destroy animals' habitats. Some times I am just as guilty as the next guy, but our governments and industries are the worst of all. Maybe someday humans will come to realize and appreciate the delicate enviromental balance that must me maintained in order for living things to survive and thrive. Hopefully this day is not too far off.

Real Life Simpsons

This is pretty ingenious

http://www.collegehumor.com/movies/1669505/

After Lunch Post

Ok so it is after lunch and I am writing again so what, it's my blog and I will do what I want to. A friend and I went to Jean's restaurant. It is a little place downtown that has excellent country cooking. My plate consisted of Chicken & Dumplings, field peas, fried okra, creamed corn and corn bread. And although usually do not eat dessert, today ate a piece of cheesecake and it was muy bueno. I ended up having to pay for my pal's lunch because he had no cash and Jean's does not take credit cards.

It was pretty cool seeing him again. He is in medical school in Kentucky and is in town doing Psyche rotations at Alliance Health Center. It is amazing how some folks grow up. I remember in college when this kid got as fucked up as I did, now he is in med school and getting married in June. I have to be in the wedding, which is awesome and all, but it denies me the opportunity to go to Costa Rica for another wedding that all of my friends are going to. But he is having six kegs at the reception so all is not lost. Maybe I can find one of those Kentucky hill girls and have grand ole time in the Bluegrass State.

Dealing with People

Sometimes i cannot stand dealing with people. Let me qualify this, people that just blurt things out without considering anything about them. This morning for example, I was in a brainstorming session and a colleague just came up with an idea that mad no sense and when I attempted explain why the idea mad no sense, I was accused of talking down to the person and making them feel low. I did not have that intention at all. I was just being realistic about the feasibility of the idea. Why is it that if you don't agree with some people they automatically assume that you think you are better that them. Oh well, I guess that is just the way things are.

On another topic, I am so glad that Three-Six Mafia won an Oscar for best original song, they are one of my favorite groups. When I was in college at Ole Miss I saw them in concert in Memphis several times and I also got to party with them on occasion. It is pretty cool to know that you have kicked with someone who won an Oscar.

Well that is all for today

Peace Out

The Beginning

Howdy this is my first indepent blog, i am a member at another. So hopefull on this thing i will be able to express my views and my life with a largely uninterested audience. That is all for now, but look again in the coming days, weeks, months, and years.

Peace out.