Dr. Dre

We got Robbed!

By now most of you that even read this crappy little blog probably know that we came in second place at the Gumbo Cook Off. That is some real bullshit! We had the best gumbo out there by far. It had duck, crab, shrimp, andouille, and bacon in the damn thing for crying out loud. I mean bacon, how does something with bacon in it get second freaking place. There were four judges in all and we later learned that it came down to a coin flip. The two guys voted for our gumbo and the two women judges voted for another team, and they freaking flipped a motherfuckin' coin. Son of a bitch. The guys that won had shitty ass gumbo too. One of the damn judges that did not vote for us had never even eaten gumbo before,ergo, she had no freaking clue what it was supposed to taste like. I mean come on. We did get a shitty little 2nd place trophy that you cannot even fit a whole beer into. What kind of crap is that? By that last comment most you probably realize that I am officially off the wagon and drinking again. Well, that did not last too long. I was only a teetotaler for about 2 months. The reason that I am off the wagon is a real shitty one too. It is over a girl. I mean how lame is that, she causes me so much joy, yet so much grief as well that it is forcing me back on the bottle. I just do not know what to do. I have received some sage advice from some of my friends, but ultimately I will have to deal with our problems myself. In my last post I mentioned starting to exercise, yeah, that has not happened yet, but tonight I am going to by some sneakers, that should get me in the damn mood. I just hope the female shoe shopping assistance is still available. Maybe I will even eat some Chick-fil-A. Fuck Yeah!. I love that place (first job I ever had). It was a nice place to work, not your stereotypical fast food joint. Plus we were allowed to go absolutely apeshit all the time anyway because my boss was only about 28 at the time and everybody that worked there was either in college or high school. Geez am I rambling...Anyway, I do not even own a pair of sneakers. I am a lazy lazy man. Like I said last week I will probably get a brown pair of dress shoes as well, but that is beside the point. Instead of typing "point" in the previous sentence I typed "pint" and went back and corrected it. That tell's you what I am thinking about today. I had a good date tuesday night and I think both of us had a mutually good time. We had to go out for Valentine's on Tuesday because she had other plans on Wednesday. That made me kind of disappointed, but I will get over it. It is almost like one day I am first tier and then the next I am second tier and I cannot figure it out. At some point I have got to have a heart to heart and figure out where I stand with this person before I get in too deep and she is still in the shallows. It has happened to me before, and let me tell it is one of the worst feelings in the entire world. When she does these "other plans" I get extremely depressed. I do not want to come off as too obsessive or to desperate however. It is a fine line that I have to walk. For one I am not her typical type so I am fighting an uphill battle anyway. And most soldiers that fight uphill get slaughtered. But then there are others who end up taking the hill and are remembered as heroes. Until next time...

Gumbo Cook Off?

Ah, don't you just love spur of the moment decisions. A friend and I, along with some other friends have decided to enter our city's Gumbo Cook Off. Why? You ask. Because that is how we roll dammit. I have never cooked Gumbo competitively. We probably will not win, but it should be a grand time. Heck, I may even drink a beer or two while I am doing it. Or maybe not, since I am technically still on the wagon, although I made a little stumble this weekend, but not too bad of a stumble I guess. I had around three drinks (two scotches and a glass of wine). That is not too bad right? The situation I was in just screamed for some alcohol and so I decided to partake. It was never my goal to quit drinking altogether anyway. My goal was to get to the point where I can have 3 or 4 and then stop. I still feel that I am not at that point yet, however. If you knew the situation I was in you probably would have had a couple as well. I cannot go into detail here, but just trust me on this one :).

I think that I am going to take up exercising. It seems to be a fad that is rapidly catching on around the country. I am going to start out slow and work my way up as I am still a smoker. I believe that I will start just by walking a couple of miles per day, and once I have had enough of that I think that I will start running. Exercise has never been that important to me, but I do realize that I need to start taking care of myself a little bit better. So tonight I am going shoe shopping to buy a new pair of sneakers (I also need a new pair of brown dress shoes, but that is beside the point). I do not have the best style sense so I have asked a female friend to come along and give me some pointers.

And now for something completely different...

Super Bowl party mash up

Astronauts Gone Wild

That Astronaut story is freaking crazy, I mean next to Ruth Bader Ginsburg an astronaut is the least likely person you would think would go off their rocker. Yeah that's right I just linked freaking Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Well BBC world news is on so later taters.

Three-Day Weekend

Yeah, that's right punks, I enjoyed a three-day weekend. Awwwwww, yeah! Suck on that! I just woke up Monday morning and was all like screw this, I ain't going to work. So I called in sick and then proceeded to sleep until noon, and then I sat on my fat ass and watched tv the rest of the time. It was freaking awesome.

I did not do that much this weekend as far as the social scene goes. Went over to a friends house Friday night and hung out, but that is really it. I saw where Barbaro was euthanized on Monday, so that sucked. I guess that he was downgraded to glue. But seriously folks, I am saddened. I really just do not have that much to say today. I guess I am just kind of out of it.

So what the hell is up with this crap about testing high-school students for weekend drinking? That seems kind of crappy to me. It is none of the school's business what a kid does on their own time. That should be left up to the parents.

And some folks will do anything for attention(look at the hideous picture)

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Well until the next time....Peace Out!

Hello...Is it me your looking for

Today I would like to talk about living in the Bible Belt and what it is like for a non-religious person like myself. Yep, that's it, I said non-religious. As most folks that know anything about my personal life are aware, I am an atheist. I do not believe in the existence of a Supreme being. I am relatively open about it once a particular person has gained my confidence, however, I do not go and spout it from the highest mountaintop. The reason (and I hate to say this) is fear. I would fear for my safety if I were to exclaim my non-belief to the rest of the Bible Belt population. There are some real nuts that live in these parts. A revelation that I discovered in the state constitution of Mississippi states that a person who denies the existence of a Supreme Being cannot hold public office. How ridiculous is that. To suggest that somebody who does not believe in god is unfit to govern. I guess I will just declare my faith in the Flying Spaghetti Monster and that I am touched by his noodly appendage daily. This belief is just as absurd as the belief in Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, Zeus, Odin or any other so-called supreme being. So I can have freedom of religion, but not freedom from religion.
It is hard living in the evangelical south. I only personally know three other people who are like me, and every human being is ingrained with a sense of belonging to a group and religion is a way to satisfy that biological urge. But what do atheists do when there are no others around. It can get extremely lonely sometimes. There is the fear that revealing you non-belief may have detrimental consequences to you personally and professionally. If you have a superior who is devoutly religious, and this superior is aware of your non-belief, you, as an atheist, are intrinsically at a disadvantage. How do you reconcile the need to be true to one self and man's self-preservation mechanism? I have not come up with an answer. If any readers have one please share it.
Now that we have touched on the professional life, let us discuss the personal life of a Bible Belt Atheist. I was raised in a Christian household and still considered myself a Christian up until around 20 years old. Then I went through a phase of agnosticism and finally the natural progression towards atheism. I know just as much about the Bible than basically any other person who was raised in a household like mine, two parents, two kids, cat and dog. You know the model American home. I probably did not openly declare my atheism until around 2004, and I still do not like to do it because it inevitably starts a religious discussion with the opposing party trying to convert me and refusing to listen to science and just go on "faith." Well faith just does not hold any water to me. Then if you are open about you risk potentially ostracizing your friends and family. Luckily, I am blessed with relatively tolerant friends who accept me for who I am.
Probably the hardest part about being a Bible Belt Atheist is dating. One finding a like-minded female is akin to finding a needle in a haystack. When you are dating a Christian, or are attracted to a Christian how do you tell them of your non-belief. You could forseeably lie about it and go through the motions of religion your whole life and find your "soul mate". But that is not for me. I cannot keep by non-belief bottled up. At some point in the relationship it would become apparently obvious even if I never told the significant other. And let me tell you something, there is no worse feeling than being told that "I would love to be involved with you and explore our future together, but you are an atheist, so I can't." Or something like that by someone that you could really see yourself with. That is the way the cookie crumbles I suppose.
It would be so easy to were the facade of religiosity, but I just cannot do it. As William Shakespeare so eloquently stated in Hamlet "To thine own self be true." It has never been said better and never will be.

So I guess...All hail the Flying Spaghetti Monster and his Noodly Appendage!

It has been a long time...

Hola! Long time no see to every body on the internets. I have not posted since June 29th 2006. A whole lot has happened since then, but nothing that is really chart topping. The reason that I have not posted in such a long time is that I absolutely have not had time to. Once I started taking on new job responsibilities the time just flew out of the window. I honestly have no idea where it went. The last thing that I wanted to do after working all day was to look at a computer screen, so I just quit posting. But, I am back, at least briefly so get your medicine while you still can. Probably the biggest change that has happened in my blogging hiatus is a recent one. I decided to quit drinking and have not drank since December 2nd 2006. That is almost a full two months. I has been easy at times and hard at times. Most of my compatriots are supportive of my decision, although a couple have had their universes turned upside down. I am no longer the drunkard that everybody knew me as. It is almost like I see the world completely different now. I notice things and remember things that I would have forgotten before. I did not like the way that I acted when I was totally sloshed all the time. I was for the most part a complete and utter asshole. I would engage in destructive behavior that could have cost me my life and/or my job. It is nice to not have to worry about getting a dui or running up a $200 bar tab now. I believe that eventually I will drink again, but not until I am confident that I can have one or two drinks and be done. I was at the point where it was either no alcohol or a whole fifth of scotch almost every night. Then I would get in my car a drive really, really fast through the middle of town. NOT SMART. So I decided one moring after a night of debauchery that I needed to slow down and quit for a minute or two while I get my ass straightened up.

Things are going pretty good at this point although I am tempted almost daily. It was amazing how fast the news of my sobriety spread around town. It seems that all of the city knew in a matter of days. Everybody was extremely suprised by my decision. That tells me that I had developed a certain reputation around town that was not in my best interest and I needed to change that image, as the image of the town drunk could hurt me in the long run. I probably will not have as many cool stories to tell and this blog may become extremely boring, but it is still and outlet and maybe some humor will find its way onto these pages once again.

And now some pictures of some retards...





























See ya'll later...peace out

I cannot post

I have been so busy lately with some new job responsibilities so i have not been able to post, hopefully in the near future things will return to normal......stay tuned.

It's Been Awhile

It has been almost a week since my last post and for that I apologize. Although in my defense I really haven't done shit on any other front either, so it is not like I am being selectively neglectful. Anywho, last Wednesday and Thursday at the casino were pretty outrageous. I ended up gettin so drunk Wednesday night that I was actually quarantined at a bar until my friends came and got me. We did not go to sleep until around 5:30 or 6 in the morning. Yet, we had to be on the golf course by 8:00am. Let me tell you that is was not a pretty site. I was still drunk when I woke up and in order to stave off the inevitable hangover, I started the day with a screwdriver. And I continued alternating screwdrivers and Captain Morgans and Pepsi all day. I was so drunk at the end of the tournament that I could not even drive home. Thanks to jpdalewood for driving back to m-town. Oh yeah, I played some real shitty golf as well. But I survived to fight another day so I guess it was not all bad. I will not go into details of that Wednesday nite and Thursday, because they are a little hazy, but if you are a regular reader to the blog you understand that a lot of my nights are a little hazy. Hell half of my days are hazy. So next week I am going to Pikeville, Kentucky (cue "Deliverance" theme) to be in a wedding. This damn town is in the middle of BFE Appalachia. You know it is bad when the local hotel has a freaking hillbilly as its mascot. Although I am going to get to play golf on top of a strip mine whose land was reclaimed and the mountain was developed into a golf course. So that should be pretty cool. Well, I guess that is all for today so later taters. Peace out.

Which Super Hero am I?

Your results:
You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 85% The Flash 75% Batman 65% Hulk 65% Iron Man 65% Green Lantern 55% Catwoman 55% Robin 52% Superman 50% Supergirl 47% Wonder Woman 42%

Casino, Golf, Softball, and hamstring

Last night was another loss for our intrepid little softball team. We were run ruled by WTOK-TV. Oh well, I guess that is just how we roll. I am real excited today though, because tonite is going to be so fun. A group of us are going up to the Silverstar Resort and Casino for a golf tournament on Thursday. Tonite there is a reception for all the players and also a hospitality suite with free alcohol. You know, I don't think that two words go better together than "free" and "alcohol." The phrase just rolls off the tongue and literally makes by mouth water. I so cannot wait for tonite and tomorrow. Last year was a blast, I stayed wasted for about two days straight. Although going to work on Friday absolutely sucked balls. I just hope I am able to play well on Thursday because I did pull my hamstring last night in our futile attempt at playing softball. I don't think it will be too bad. If I just take about three of four loritabs I should not feel a thing. We should have a raucous good time. The Dancing Rabbit Golf Course is absolutely beautiful and is top notch. Plus they have a beverage cart that goes around, so you can buy more alcohol. Did I mention that I love alcohol. It is good. I probably will not gamble that much tonite as I really do not find it that entertaining, I will most likely just sit at the bar or hospitality suite and drink, then at about 4am go to the breakfast buffet and eat some grub. There are some pretty good places to eat at the resort. Well I will leave you now. So be sure to tune in Friday for all the details from tonite and Thursday.

Barbecue

This is too eloquent to have been written by me...Thanks Jason Sheehan of NPR.

All Things Considered, May 29, 2006 · After listening to the results of this project for several weeks, I knew I could do three minutes, too. Certainly not on world peace or the search for meaning in an increasingly distracted world or anything as grave and serious as all that, but on a belief just as true.
I believe in barbecue. As soul food and comfort food and health food, as a cuisine of both solace and celebration. When I'm feeling good, I want barbecue. And when I'm feeling bad, I just want barbecue more. I believe in barbecue in all its regional derivations, in its ethnic translations, in forms that range from white-tablecloth presentations of cunningly sauced costillas, to Chinese take-out spareribs that stain your fingers red, to the most authentic product of the tarpaper rib shacks of the Deep South. I believe that like sunshine and great sex, no day is bad that has barbecue in it.
I believe in the art of generations of pit men working in relative obscurity to keep alive the craft of slow smoking as it's been practiced for as long as there's been fire. A barbecue cook must have an intimate understanding of his work: the physics of fire and convection, the hard science of meat and heat and smoke -- and then forget it all to achieve a sort of gut-level, Zen instinct for the process.
I believe that barbecue drives culture, not the other way around. Some of the first blows struck for equality and civil rights in the Deep South were made not in the courtrooms or schools or on buses, but in the barbecue shacks. There were dining rooms, backyards and roadhouse juke joints in the South that were integrated long before any other public places.
I believe that good barbecue requires no decor, and that the best barbecue exists despite its trappings. Paper plates are okay in a barbecue joint. And paper napkins. And plastic silverware. And I believe that any place with a menu longer than can fit on a single page -- or better yet, just a chalkboard -- is coming dangerously close to putting on airs.
I believe that good barbecue needs sides the way good blues need rhythm, and that there is only one rule: Serve whatever you like, but whatever you serve, make it fresh. Have someone's mama in the back doing the "taters" and hush puppies and sweet tea, because Mama will know what she's doing -- or at least know better than some assembly-line worker bagging up powdered mashed potatoes by the ton.
I believe that proper barbecue ought to come in significant portions. Skinny people can eat barbecue, and do, but the kitchen should cook for a fat man who hasn't eaten since breakfast. My leftovers should last for days.
I believe that if you don't get sauce under your nails when you're eating, you're doing it wrong. I believe that if you don't ruin your shirt, you're not trying hard enough.
I believe -- I know -- there is no such thing as too much barbecue. Good, bad or in-between, old-fashioned pit-smoked or high-tech and modern; it doesn't matter. Existing without gimmickry, without the infernal swindles and capering of so much of contemporary cuisine, barbecue is truth; it is history and home, and the only thing I don't believe is that I'll ever get enough.

Well said, Well said.


http://www.northcarolinatravels.com/food/barbecue/

Another Day, Another Dollar

Well it's Wednesday, ho-hum. Katie Couric left the Today's show this morning, so I have been watching montages of her all day on www.msnbc.com. I kind of enjoy watching those type things. I don't know I guess they just seem kind of cool to me. Just a kind of sentimental look back. I oftentimes so that myself, although, it is not in montage form. Well, our softball team chalked up another victory last nite. So now we have won two in a row. I assume that's good, I could really care less. Work is going by slow as molasses today, I just will not end 2:41 and counting. Time has slowed to an immeasurable crawl. Did you know that the word "immeasurable" is often used by politicians because it is double speak. It can mean immeasurably small or immeasurably large. So politicians will just say that something is immeasurable and most of the public believes the amount to be huge when in reality it could be immeasurable small. I know that was kind of mind numbingly boring, but hell, I really am just rambling and typing whatever comes in my head. Right now on Star Trek the Next Generation Commander Riker totally has a twin, but they will remedy the situation within the hour. I don't know if I am going to go out tonite. For some reason I really do not feel like it. To the layman walking by my office right now it appears that I am engrossed in work because I am just staring at the computer typing. I am the king of pretending to be doing work. I always have something ready to pull up that is work related. Star Trek is such an awesome show. Sweet...a new episode is starting, boy I can't wait to see what the crew of the Enterprise will be up to next, that wacky bunch. Well I will talk to all ya'll later. Peace Out.

We Finally Won Something

So I am sorry I have not posted in a while, I have just been and really have not had that much to say. I am glad to announce that my previous state of inactivity is over as the Ole Miss Rebels won the 2006 SEC Tournament on Sunday.....Hotty Toddy!!!!!!!! I cannot believe my alma mater actually and finally won something of merit. It is about freakin time. I am so happy no if we can only make it to the 2006 College World Series every thing will be right with the world. There seems to be an ongoing battle of Ole Miss entries at the urban dictionary. On another note we another damn softball game tonite that I am not looking forward to. It is a 8pm which is not as bad as 9 but still late as shit. Oh well I guess I will go since I missed the last game because I had to work late, which was a sack of bullshit within itself. So have you ever wondered what a "Dutch Rudder" is? Well let me say that I find the definition hilarious. Now that I got that out the way it makes the following headline really funny. "Baby born with third arm, can self-administer "Dutch Rudder" while flipping pages in porn magazine without help."
Now this chick needs a sandwich or two.....


I mean damn eat something for crying out loud, and what's up with the entourage, I wish I had an entourage.

Inside Joke...

Losers...Drunk, Belligerent Losers

Well our softball team lost again last night, which now make our record 1-2 and let me tell you it was not pretty. It was a tight game and defensive struggle and we came out on the short end. But that is not the real story of last night's affair, let me indulge myself here: It all began when we found out that we did not play until 9PM which is entirely too late in my book and most others books as well. Hell if i am not going out, I am usually in bed by at least 930 or 10 O'clock. Everybody on our team had the same idea before the game as well. Each little group on our team had the same idea as every other group, all decided to pregame it a little before the match. So the vast majority of our team arrived at the ballpark, half-drunk, and for some fully loaded. In retrospect that may have been a bad idea because we did not hit or field particularly well. So the game goes on and everthing is going just fine, when all of a sudden it seems that the shit just hit the fan. There was some animosity between our team and the opposing force. Some inappropiate things were said by their team and our team (mostly wasted remember) all of a sudden became belligerent. I mean down right nasty. I loved it, I absolutely laughed my ass off, because I could give two shits about the damn game, I just want to go out and have a good time, win or lose. We had people cussing the umps, the other team and various deities all in an hour and a half. It was beautiful. Our softball team has more issues than an episode of Dr. Phil. Both our pitcher and shortstop left in a fit of rage, and it seems that all of our girls are pissed off at our pitcher anyway from some comments he made about them sucking. Hell, I think our girls are pretty good, but who really cares anyway. It was so beautiful. The drunk softball team. The drunk belligerent softball team. Oh who knows what we will do next, you never know. The possibilities are endless and the escapades will prove to be legendary, this I am sure of. It cannot be a good thing that instead of bringing water to drink at the game we bring gatorade mixed with vodka. Beer. Crown Royal. And about 2 cartons of cigarettes between us. Stay tuned for future tales....My two cents...It was abso-freaking-lutely b-e-a-u-tiful.

Obligatory It's Finally Friday Post

So it's Friday again, and once again I am writing to say how glad I am it is this great day. Right now I am extremely full after eating a BBQ plate from the Chilihouse and I must say that it was terrific as always. Ugh, wait a minute, I totally have to go pinch a loaf................................................................Okay I'm back, man do I feel 110% better. That was a great dump, you know the kind that you don't have to strain to hard at, the kind that just kind of slide out and don't leave a big mess. Those are the best. Man, now I feel fantastic. Boy that sure was a good shit. Absolutely nothing went wrong: no interruptions, no splashback, no stray shit stain on your hand, just the perfect crapping experience.

So, I was surfing the net and came across these two print ads for chopsticks and I found them hilarious.


The ads are for a brand of Chopsticks and the caption reads: "Chopstix, Can't hate everything."

Funny, huh?
I really do not know what I will be doing this weekend. One of my grandmas is in town and leaving on Sunday so probably might just hang out with her or maybe not, you never know, the weekend could always involve a fifth of Johnny Walker like usual. The 131st running of the Preakness Stakes is this weekend as well, so I am pretty stoked about that. My trifecta will go like this: Sweetnothernsaint-to win, Barbaro-to place, and Brother Derek-to show. Although this trifecta means that Barbaro will not be the first Triple Crown winner since Affirmed in 1978. And although I have never seen a horse win the Triple Crown (winning Kentucky Derby, Preakness Stakes, and Belmont Stakes) and really want to see it happen, I just do not think this is the year with so many recent near misses I guess I am just jaded. A near miss is defined as winning the first two races (Derby and Preakness) but not winning the last race (Belmont). Since 1997 their have been 6 near misses including Funny Cide in 2003 and Smarty Jones in 2004. Last year Afleet Alex won the last two races but did not win the Kentucky Derby first so that was kind of a near miss as well. Oh well we will just have to wait and see what happens on Saturday. Until then here is my trifecta for the Blackeyed Susan Stakes on Friday: She's an Eleven-to win; Gasia-to place; Regal Engagement-show. Well those are my picks, unitl next week my friends. Peace Out.